A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack."

          In our home it was natural to fear our father.     Even our mother was afraid of him. As children, my sister and I thought every family was like that. Every family had an unpredictable alcoholic who was impossible to please, and a praying Mama who was there to protect the children. We thought God planned it that way.     We were good children, Mama was always telling us we were, even if Daddy couldn't see it. Part of this was because we dared not do anything. We were quiet, timid children who rarely spoke; never when Daddy was home. People thought God had blessed Mama with the sweetest girls. She was always so proud!           Then came the day we found something new and fun to do.     We knew it would not upset anyone. We never took the risk of doing that. On our house we had a wooden door. We discovered we could draw pictures on it with chalk and it would rub right back off. We could have lots of fun.           We set to work drawing and making lots of pretty pictures all over it. We had a great time. It surprised us to see how talented we were. These pictures were good! That's when we decided to finish our masterpiece. We were proud of our work. We knew Mama would just love it. She would want all her friends to come see it and maybe they would want us to do their doors too. We had found something we were really good at!           The praise we expected did not come. Instead of seeing the beauty in our work, all Mama could see was the time and effort she would need to clean it off. She was mad. We did not understand this but we knew all about anger - and we were in big trouble!           Off we ran to find a place to hide. In our wooded yard it was not hard for two small children to find safety. Together we huddled behind a tree and did not move. Soon we heard the frightened voices of Mom and our neighbors calling out to us. Still we did not budge. They were afraid that we had run away or had drowned in the pond out back. We were afraid of being found.           The sun set and it began to get dark. Those around us became more anxious and we became more frightened. Time was slipping by, and the longer we hid there the harder it was to come out. Mom was, by now, convinced something awful had happened to us and she resorted to calling the police. We could tell something was happening because we could hear all the voices drawn together in a group. Then the search was on again, this time with strong male voices overpowering the others. If we were frightened before -- now we were terrified!           As we clung together in the dark we became aware of yet another voice.           One we instantly recognized with horror -- our Daddy. But there was something strangely different about his voice. In it we heard something we had never heard before. Fear, agony, despair -- we couldn't put a name to it then, but that's what it was. Then came the prayers, tears and prayers intermingled together.           Was that our Daddy on his knees pleading with God? Our Daddy -- with tears running down his face, promising God that he would give his life to Him if He would safely return his girls?     Nothing in our lives had prepared us for this kind of shock. Neither of us remember making a decision to come out. We were drawn to him like a magnet, our fears dissolving into the forest. We don't know yet if we actually took steps or if God somehow moved us out and into his arms. What we do remember are those strong loving arms holding us and crying, holding us like we were precious.           Things were different after that. We had a new Daddy. It was like the old one was buried that day in the forest. God had taken him and replaced him with another. One who loved us and was ever thankful for us.           Mama always told us that God was a God of miracles. I guess she was right. He changed our whole family with a piece of chalk.                              -- Holly Smeltzer  

FW: Fw: sometimes you need a professional.

A woman was getting a pie ready to put into the oven when the phone rang.   It was the school nurse: Her son had come down with a high fever, and would she come and take him home?   The mother calculated how long it would take to drive to school and back,   and how long the pie should bake, and concluded there was enough time. Popping the pie in the   oven, she left for school. When she arrived, her son's fever was worse,   and the nurse urged her to take him to the doctor.   Seeing her son like that -- his face flushed, his body trembling and   dripping with perspiration -- frayed her, and she drove to the clinic as fast as she dared. She was   frayed a bit more waiting for the doctor to emerge from the examining   room, which he was doing now, walking toward her with a slip of paper in his hand.   "Get him to bed," he told her, handing her the prescription, "and start him on this right away."   By the time she got the boy home and in bed and headed out again for the   shopping mall, she was not only frayed, but frazzled and frantic as well. And she had forgotten   about the pie in the oven. At the mall she found a pharmacy, got the   prescription filled and rushed back to the car . . . . . . which was locked.   Yes, there were her keys, hanging in the ignition switch, locked inside   the car. She ran back into the mall, found a phone and called home. When her son finally answered,   she blurted out, "I've locked the keys inside the car!"   The boy was barely able to speak. In a hoarse voice he whispered, "Get a   wire coat hanger, Mom. You can get in with that." The phone went dead.   She began searching the mall for a wire coat hanger -- which turned out   not to be easy. Wooden hangers and plastic hangers were there in   abundance, but shops didn't use wire hangers anymore. After combing   through a dozen stores, she found one that was behind the times just   enough to use wire hangers.   Hurrying out of the mall, she allowed herself a smile of relief. As she   was about to step off the curb, she halted. She stared at the wire coat hanger.   "I don't know what to do with this!"   Then she remembered the pie in the oven. All the frustrations of the past   hour collapsed on her and she began crying. Then she prayed, "Dear Lord,   my boy is sick and he needs this medicine and my pie is in the oven and   the keys are locked in the car and, Lord, I don't know what to do with   this coat hanger. Dear Lord, send somebody who does know what do with it,   and I really need that person NOW, Lord. Amen,"   She was wiping her eyes when a beat-up older car pulled up to the curb   and stopped in front of her. A young man, twentyish-looking, in a T-shirt   and ragged jeans, got out. The first thing she noticed about him was the   long, stringy hair, and then the beard that hid everything south of his nose. He was coming her way. When he drew near   she stepped in front of him and held out the wire coat hanger. "Young   man," she said, "do you know how to get into a locked car with one of   these?"   He gaped at her for a moment, then plucked the hanger from her hand.   "Where's the car?"   Telling the story, she said she had never seen anything like it -- it was   simply amazing how easily he got into her car. A quick look at the door and window, a couple of   twists of the coat hanger and bam! Just like that, the door was open.   When she saw the door open she threw her arms around him. "Oh," she said,   "the Lord sent you! You're such a good boy. You must be a Christian,"   He stepped back and said, "No ma'am, I'm not a Christian, and I'm not a   good boy. I just got out of prison yesterday."   She jumped at him and she hugged him again -- fiercely. "Bless the Lord!" she cried. "He sent me a professional!"

Minor Female Philosophers
1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde.   -Dolly Parton-

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even = want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-

4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-

5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-

6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.       -Erma Bombeck-

7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-

8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-

9. I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-

10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.   -Elayne Boosler-

11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.     -Maryon Pearson-

12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner

13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you   want anything done, ask a woman.   -Margaret Thatcher-

14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine   marriage and a career.   -Gloria Steinhem-

15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.     -Gloria Steinhem-

16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-

17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-

8. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-

19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I = keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

The Pit A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out. A SUBJECTIVE person came along and said: "I feel for you, down there." AN OBJECTIVE person came along and said: "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A PHARISEE said: "Only bad people fall into a pit." A MATHEMATICIAN calculated how far he fell into the pit. A NEWS REPORTER wanted the exclusive story on his pit. A FUNDAMENTALIST said: "You deserve your pit." An I.R.S. man asked if he was paying taxes on the pit. A SELF PITYING person said: "You haven't see anything until you've see MY PIT!"
A CHARISMATIC said: "Just confess that you're not in a pit." An OPTIMIST said: "Things could be worse." A PESSIMIST said: "Things will get worse!"

Littleton By Dr. Ed Tropp Associate Pastor of Circle Drive Baptist, Colorado Springs, CO

   More about the Christian kids, who gave their life for Christ at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado.

   This is the good that is coming from this horrific tragedy! I'm glad to share it with you and hope you will let all your friends/family know too!

   What the news is not reporting is the revival that's begun. There were 2 other backslidden Christian kids in that library while people were getting killed, who watched as bold Christian classmates stepped up and gave their lives. They have now come out and vowed never to compromise their faith again as long as they live.

   Christian kids that were in public schools in the whole area that had been embarrassed because they wanted to be cool and didn't want to stand up for Christ, have all opened their mouths this week and there are hundreds of teenagers turning to Christ. They don't want to hear about peer counseling and psychology, they're falling on their knees and crying out to Jesus Christ.    In this group that gathered with the soccer team to pray, a little girl stood up to preach the gospel and all of these kids got on their knees and accepted Jesus Christ.

   Churches have been filled every night, all week. For the first time, all the youth pastors in the area are meeting together on Monday; all the senior pastors are meeting on Tuesday. This is a revival like I've never been a part of before.

   One after another young Christian stood and came forward and said "I believe in Jesus" and what that has done in the hearts of the people in this community is unbelievable.

   What the news isn't reporting and may never let others know is what they don't understand, a revival has begun.

   Lord, give me the courage of a 17 year old, not to die for Jesus, but to live for Jesus. Joshua 23:14 {Did he mean Joshua 24:15?}

P.S. Think seriously about passing this on to your whole e-mail address list, as "the fame of revival" could become "the flame of revival" somewhere else.