SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were
out for a Sunday
afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly,
the plane developed
engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the
pilot, the plane
started to go down.
Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the
passengers that they
had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately there
were only three parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save
lives, so I must
live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm the smartest man in the
world, I deserve to
live!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My
son, I've lived a long and
full life. You are young and have your whole life
ahead of you. Take the
last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the
priest and said "Not to
worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back
pack."
A PIECE OF CHALK
In our home it was natural to fear our
father. Even our mother was afraid of him. As
children, my sister and I
thought every family was like that. Every family had
an unpredictable alcoholic who was impossible to
please, and a praying Mama who was there to
protect the children. We thought God planned it that
way. We were good children, Mama was always
telling us we were, even if
Daddy couldn't see it. Part of this was because we
dared not do anything.
We were quiet, timid children who rarely spoke; never
when Daddy was home.
People thought God had blessed Mama with the sweetest
girls. She was always so proud!
Then came the day we found something new
and fun to do. We knew it would not upset anyone.
We never took the risk of
doing
that. On our house we had a wooden door. We
discovered we could draw pictures on it with chalk
and it would rub right back off. We could have
lots of fun.
We set to work drawing and making lots of
pretty pictures all over it.
We had a great time. It surprised us to see how
talented we were. These
pictures were good! That's when we decided to finish
our masterpiece. We
were proud of our work. We knew Mama would just love
it. She would want
all her friends to come see it and maybe they would
want us to do their doors too. We had found something
we were really good at!
The praise we expected did not come.
Instead of seeing the beauty in
our work, all Mama could see was the time and effort
she would need to clean it off. She was mad. We did
not understand this but we knew all about anger - and
we were in big trouble!
Off we ran to find a place to hide. In our
wooded yard it was
not
hard for two small children to find safety. Together
we huddled
behind
a
tree and did not move. Soon we heard the frightened
voices of Mom and our
neighbors calling out to us. Still we did not budge.
They were afraid that we had run away or had drowned
in the pond out back. We were afraid
of being found.
The sun set and it began to get dark. Those
around us became more anxious and we became more
frightened. Time was slipping by, and the longer we
hid there the harder it was to come out. Mom was, by
now, convinced something awful had happened to us and
she resorted to calling
the police. We could tell something was happening
because we could hear
all the voices drawn together in a group. Then the
search was on again,
this time with strong male voices overpowering the
others. If we were frightened before -- now we were
terrified!
As we clung together in the dark we became
aware of yet another voice.
One we instantly recognized with horror --
our Daddy. But there
was
something strangely different about his voice. In it
we heard something we
had never heard before. Fear, agony, despair -- we
couldn't put a
name
to
it then, but that's what it was. Then came the
prayers, tears and prayers
intermingled together.
Was that our Daddy on his knees pleading
with God? Our Daddy -- with
tears running down his face, promising God that he
would give his life to
Him if He would safely return his girls? Nothing
in our lives had prepared us for this kind of shock.
Neither
of us remember making a decision to come out. We were
drawn to him like a
magnet, our fears dissolving into the forest. We
don't know yet if we actually took steps or if God
somehow moved us out and into his arms. What
we do remember are those strong loving arms holding
us and crying, holding
us like we were precious.
Things were different after that. We had a
new Daddy. It was like
the old one was buried that day in the forest. God
had taken him and replaced him with another. One who
loved us and was ever thankful for us.
Mama always told us that God was a God of
miracles. I guess she was
right. He changed our whole family with a piece of
chalk.
-- Holly Smeltzer
FW: Fw: sometimes you need a professional.
A woman was getting a pie ready to put into the
oven when the phone
rang.
It was the school nurse: Her son had come down with
a high fever,
and
would she come
and take him home?
The mother calculated how long it would take to
drive to school and
back,
and how long the pie should bake, and concluded
there was enough
time.
Popping the pie in the
oven, she left for school. When she arrived, her
son's fever was
worse,
and the nurse urged her to take him to the doctor.
Seeing her son like that -- his face flushed, his
body trembling and
dripping with perspiration -- frayed her, and she
drove to the
clinic as
fast as she dared. She was
frayed a bit more waiting for the doctor to emerge
from the
examining
room, which he was doing now, walking toward her
with a slip of
paper in
his hand.
"Get him to bed," he told her, handing her the
prescription, "and
start
him on this right away."
By the time she got the boy home and in bed and
headed out again for
the
shopping mall, she was not only frayed, but
frazzled and frantic as
well.
And she had forgotten
about the pie in the oven. At the mall she found a
pharmacy, got the
prescription filled and rushed back to the car . .
. . . . which
was
locked.
Yes, there were her keys, hanging in the ignition
switch, locked
inside
the car. She ran back into the mall, found a phone
and called home.
When
her son finally answered,
she blurted out, "I've locked the keys inside the
car!"
The boy was barely able to speak. In a hoarse voice
he whispered,
"Get a
wire coat hanger, Mom. You can get in with that."
The phone went
dead.
She began searching the mall for a wire coat hanger
-- which turned
out
not to be easy. Wooden hangers and plastic hangers
were there in
abundance, but shops didn't use wire hangers
anymore. After combing
through a dozen stores, she found one that was
behind the times just
enough to use wire hangers.
Hurrying out of the mall, she allowed herself a
smile of relief. As
she
was about to step off the curb, she halted. She
stared at the wire
coat
hanger.
"I don't know what to do with this!"
Then she remembered the pie in the oven. All the
frustrations of the
past
hour collapsed on her and she began crying. Then
she prayed, "Dear
Lord,
my boy is sick and he needs this medicine and my
pie is in the oven
and
the keys are locked in the car and, Lord, I don't
know what to do
with
this coat hanger. Dear Lord, send somebody who does
know what do
with it,
and I really need that person NOW, Lord. Amen,"
She was wiping her eyes when a beat-up older car
pulled up to the
curb
and stopped in front of her. A young man,
twentyish-looking, in a
T-shirt
and ragged jeans, got out. The first thing she
noticed about him was
the
long, stringy hair, and then the beard that hid
everything south of his nose. He was coming her
way. When he drew
near
she stepped in front of him and held out the wire
coat hanger.
"Young
man," she said, "do you know how to get into a
locked car with one
of
these?" He gaped at her for a moment, then
plucked the hanger from
her
hand.
"Where's the car?"
Telling the story, she said she had never seen
anything like it --
it was
simply amazing how easily he got into her car. A
quick look at the
door
and window, a couple of
twists of the coat hanger and bam! Just like that,
the door was
open.
When she saw the door open she threw her arms
around him. "Oh," she
said,
"the Lord sent you! You're such a good boy. You
must be a
Christian,"
He stepped back and said, "No ma'am, I'm not a
Christian, and I'm
not a
good boy. I just got out of prison yesterday."
She jumped at him and she hugged him again --
fiercely. "Bless the
Lord!"
she cried. "He sent me a professional!"
Minor Female Philosophers
1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even = want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-
5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck-
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-
8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-
9. I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-
10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-
11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-
12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner
13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-
14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-
15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem-
16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-
17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-
8. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-
19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I = keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-
The Pit
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out. A SUBJECTIVE person came along and said: "I feel for you, down there." AN OBJECTIVE person came along and said: "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A PHARISEE said: "Only bad people fall into a pit." A MATHEMATICIAN calculated how far he fell into the pit. A NEWS REPORTER wanted the exclusive story on his pit. A FUNDAMENTALIST said: "You deserve your pit." An I.R.S. man asked if he was paying taxes on the pit. A SELF PITYING person said: "You haven't see anything until you've see MY PIT!"
A CHARISMATIC said: "Just confess that you're not in a pit." An OPTIMIST said: "Things could be worse." A PESSIMIST said: "Things will get worse!"
Littleton
By Dr. Ed Tropp
Associate Pastor of Circle Drive Baptist, Colorado Springs, CO
More about the Christian kids, who gave their life for Christ at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado.
This is the good that is coming from this horrific tragedy! I'm glad to share it with you and hope you will let all your friends/family know too!
What the news is not reporting is the revival that's begun. There were 2 other backslidden Christian kids in that library while people were getting killed, who watched as bold Christian classmates stepped up and gave their lives. They have now come out and vowed never to compromise their faith again as long as they live.
Christian kids that were in public schools in the whole area that had been embarrassed because they wanted to be cool and didn't want to stand up for Christ, have all opened their mouths this week and there are hundreds of teenagers turning to Christ. They don't want to hear about peer counseling and psychology, they're falling on their knees and crying out to Jesus Christ. In this group that gathered with the soccer team to pray, a little girl stood up to preach the gospel and all of these kids got on their knees and accepted Jesus Christ.
Churches have been filled every night, all week. For the first time, all the youth pastors in the area are meeting together on Monday; all the senior pastors are meeting on Tuesday. This is a revival like I've never been a part of before.
One after another young Christian stood and came forward and said "I believe in Jesus" and what that has done in the hearts of the people in this community is unbelievable.
What the news isn't reporting and may never let others know is what they don't understand, a revival has begun.
Lord, give me the courage of a 17 year old, not to die for Jesus, but to live for Jesus. Joshua 23:14 {Did he mean Joshua 24:15?}
P.S. Think seriously about passing this on to your whole e-mail address list, as "the fame of revival" could become "the flame of revival" somewhere else.